Lee Sera – a pseudonym – is no longer looking for a partner. At 42, the stylish South Korean teacher with jet-black hair and perfect make-up has lived with her sister since breaking up with her last boyfriend in 2018. “He was nice. He wanted to get married but insisted that I stop working and have a child. I didn’t want to. Then I found out he was seeing prostitutes. I left him.” The experience completely changed her expectations. “Today, women are more educated and earn money. They want to live their lives. If men don’t understand, too bad for them. The question is no longer ‘Why don’t we get married?’. It’s ‘Why should we get married?’,” she said.
“Korean men want to control everything, to always be together. But I’m not their doll,” said Shin Amori – also a pseudonym – on her YouTube channel. Her preference for foreign partners has earned her much criticism. Her channel has over 200,000 subscribers, 90% of whom are women under 30 or whose children have left home. “On my channel, they appreciate the freedom they long for.” She added wryly: “Men are furious because women are no longer objects to be chosen. Now, it’s the object that chooses, and that makes them angry.”
Shin was clearly being ironic, but the caution exhibited by South Korean women when considering a relationship – many refuse to give their address to a boyfriend – or their desire to distance themselves from men, reflect an escalating underlying conflict. Some of them have joined the 4B movement, or “four no’s,” launched in 2019: No to marriage, no to flirting, no to sex with a man, no to having a child.
Confucian traditions
In a society where changes in social norms have not kept pace with the rapid economic growth, tensions have been rising since the late 2000s. This has been fueled by a growing awareness of women’s rights during the progressive presidencies of Kim Dae-jung (1998-2003) and Roh Moo-hyun (2003-2008). Thanks to feminist activism, this period led to the enactment of a sexual discrimination law in 1999 and the creation of a gender equality ministry in 2001.
It’s enough to irritate men attached to the Confucian traditions that structure society, placing sons in a privileged position and women in a subordinate one. Their anger began to surface on the “Ilbe” forum – a contraction of Ilgang Besutu, the “best of the day.” Created in 2009 by an individual named Moe Myeongsu, this anonymous, uncontrolled forum with no political objective initially focused on vulgar posts.
The conflict intensified with the #MeToo movement and the sexual assault scandals revealed in its wake, which reinforced feminist expectations. In 2016, the book Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 (Minumsa, 2016), by author Cho Nam-joo, described the abuse and discrimination that South Korean women face from school to the workplace. At the same time, activism drew attention to the proliferation of “molka” – videos taken secretly by miniature cameras installed in public places or homes, often targeting tenants by their landlords, and then posted online.
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